So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
