i jhust puked up my retainher.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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