Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize