from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
