I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
