Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
