You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
