you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
