i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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