just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
