I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
