The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
