I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize