girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
