VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize