why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize