yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
