No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
