Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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