At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
