Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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