The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
