guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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