the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have fence marks all over my body
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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