His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
