help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
