so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize