after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
