I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
