omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
