He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
