haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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