I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im holly from the hills drunk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
