whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
