quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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