Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
