two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
