its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
