What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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