11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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