i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize