i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We need to get me chipped asap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
