got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she peed on how many people?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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