Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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