remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have fence marks all over my body
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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