hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
