Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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