I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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