I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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