hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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