Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
