no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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