Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even my vagina gasped.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
