If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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