Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
