He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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