Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
