You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
only if we run a train.
done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
