Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
