please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
