It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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