I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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