how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
