Got a toothbrush?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
